Believe in Yourself – Even When it’s Not Perfect
08 Apr

Believe in Yourself – Even When it’s Not Perfect

If you prefer listening to the audio version of this blog read by author Denise Michaels please click here now.

By Denise M. Michaels

Everyone encourages us to step out and be bold, be courageous. Get beyond your comfort zone. Great advice. What happens when you make your best attempt, believe in yourself and the big risk you jumped into doesn’t turn out exactly the way you hoped?

Did you:

  • Stand up and say your piece at a staff meeting and wind up feeling totally flummoxed and out of your element?
  • Let yourself fall deeply in love and the relationship didn’t go the distance so you kick yourself for being vulnerable?
  • Take a long shot in your business and you end up crashing and burning?

These are the times to be kind to yourself and nurse your emotional scars. Beat-ups don’t help. Then dust off your embarrassment and start fresh again. After all, winners aren’t the people who never fall down. Winners are the people who keep getting back up again and again. At their core, despite whatever brought them down temporarily, they believe in themselves.

12. Sun rising meditationRecently I attended a spiritual meditation group that takes place monthly in my community. A circle of about a dozen like-minded people share, listen and get still to meditate together. The group includes an attorney, a minister, a teacher, a medical professional, a couple retirees, a writer, an insurance agent and several others. Some jump into the discussions enthusiastically, eager to have their two cents heard. Others listen quietly the entire time.

The subject of guilt came up in the conversation last night. One woman acknowledged because of her religious background and what she sees on television, she feels guilt all the time. She wants to believe in herself. A man in a well-tailored shirt and slacks admitted to thinking a lot of self-bashing thoughts.

With these emotions constantly bouncing around in your mind, it’s almost impossible to believe in yourself.

I shocked a few people when I said for the most part I consider guilt a wasted emotion. If I walked around feeling guilty it would be very difficult to ever believe in myself. Plus, if I don’t believe in myself, how will anyone else believe in me?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not coated in Teflon, impervious to fault or mis-steps. I apologize for little errors, words that didn’t come out quite right and other gaffes more than anyone I know. Because I believe when you sincerely say “I’m sorry” you clear the air of negative energy or animosity. I also see making a mistake for what it truly is. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad or unworthy person. The ancient definition of the word “mistake” means to, “Miss the mark.”

man-computerIf you learn from every mistake or foible you’re far better off compared to people who try to protect their ego or go on offense over and over again. Every time you insist on pushing down your feelings of hurt or being at fault, it takes your level of wisdom, peace and calm two steps backward. How do you pivot in a positive way and see yourself as a little stronger, a little better for the lesson?

When you try to be perfect or push away the slings and arrows of life by looking for ways to blame others or acting like it never happened, it pushes the mistake or error deep inside. It may seem like you’ve kept your belief in yourself safe from harm. Over the long run all the mistakes, errors and boo-boo’s pile up deep inside. Believing in yourself becomes more difficult than ever.

At your core when you’re gentle with yourself, forgive yourself and learn from mistakes, you grow. Believing in yourself becomes easier. You also feel like you can be more authentically you. No longer do you show a brittle, shiny exterior to the world while wondering why you condemn yourself endlessly when no one’s looking. You’ll find it easier next time around when you fall to get up, move forward, smile that megawatt smile and go on to the next great adventure.

PrintDenise M. Michaels is a ghostwriter and book coach. She helps CEOs, entrepreneurs, therapists, speakers and aspiring authors become more recognizable, influential and in-demand. Using the leverage a book provides – you can become the go-to expert in your niche. To contact Denise about your book or book idea click here now.

About the Author

2 thoughts on “Believe in Yourself – Even When it’s Not Perfect

  1. Chupacabra - May 1, 2016 at 8:57 pm

    As a reader, I lose respect for someone who used a ghostwriter. There are plenty of people I admire who have had writers do the technical job of writing their books for them, but they tend to be given co-author or similar status. To not give credit is to pretend you did it, which shows a lack of character in my eyes.

    • Denise Michaels - May 3, 2016 at 11:47 am

      I understand your thoughts on ghostwriters. I used to feel the same way. Here’s what I’ve discovered since I began doing this work for my author/clients. There are brilliant people with dazzling ideas – but writing just isn’t their thing. A few years ago I wrote a book for a gentleman about overcoming addictive behaviors. Not just common addictions like drugs, alcohol or gambling – but insidious behaviors like getting in the same dysfunctional relationships again and again, being a workaholic when you’re already very successful, or continuing to handle problems in the same old ways that just don’t work.

      It’s like Einstein’s quote personified, “Problems cannot be solved at the level at which they’re created.”

      However, this gentleman has dyslexia. I’m familiar with dyslexia because my two brothers have it. The book author was brilliant with incredible insight, experience that would knock your socks off and a great sense of humor. But writing will never be his thing. By the way my brothers are very successful, with lovely homes, great careers and families, but writing is a tremendous challenge and reading is tough as well.

      I ghost wrote a book on real estate investing for a guy whose been doing it for thirty years. He’s made millions of dollars, lost a chunk of it in The Great Recession and now he’s back on top. It took a tremendous amount of tenacity and skill to do that. His book reflects that in a warm, kind way like his personality. I could tell he cared deeply about the people who would read his book, but for all his terrific qualities, a writer he is not.

      So you’re saying a person with wonderful ideas, years of experience and new strategies that can help countless people should be denied the possibility of becoming a book author because writing is a challenge for them? The technical act of writing is more important to you than the value of what they have to share with the world?

      I don’t believe that’s true and neither do most people. If we were discussing ghostwriting fiction books well, then, yes. The craft matters because that’s why people read fiction. I don’t read or write those kind of books. The books I write are about the value of the author’s ideas. That’s why people buy it, read it and implement what they learn.

      I’ve always have a strict confidentiality clause on my agreements with my author/clients so no one knows they had a ghostwriter unless they tell them. Recently I changed the agreement so the author has a choice. They can be the sole author or the book cover may include my name below in smaller letters as a co-author. Either way is fine with me.

      What’s most important is that when their book is finished it’s emotionally compelling, creates a relationship of “know,” “like” and “trust” with readers and edifies the author as the go-to influential expert in their niche. Finally, I want my author/clients’ thoughts and ideas to shine through on every page of their finished books.

      My “brand” is about helping people write books. It’s not about being an expert in addictions, international oil policy, holistic wellness, real estate investing, financial management or any of the many other topics I’ve ghost written books about. I’m happy either way.

      If you’d like to know more about how I keep the books I write focused on the authors’ “voice” please click here now.


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